01Coming soon
Signed Hardcover
Coming soon
Hand-numbered by Ron in blue drafting ink. Limited printing of 500 copies.
Waitlist notification How to Load a
Dishwasher
by Ron Diamond
A serious manual for a household argument that will not stay in the kitchen.
Specification
244 pages · 6.24 x 0.74 x 9.24 inches · 15.2 ounces
A domestic engineering study
The volume
The Origin of the Manual
Ron Diamond is a retired engineer. He wrote this after watching his wife load the dishwasher one evening after friends came for dinner. He mentioned it. An argument followed.
His conclusion was that she was not frustrated at him. She was frustrated at not knowing the best way to load the machine. The book is funny because he is completely serious.
Rotational Spray Clearance
Calculating nozzle velocity versus tall cutting boards placed in perimeter bays.
The Cutlery Orientation Axiom
Handles down for spoons, handles up for safety, and the true role of nested forks.
Plate geometry 04.2Fig. B
Author portraitRon Diamond, P.E.
The author
About Ron Diamond
Ron Diamond spent 34 years in fluid dynamics and structural engineering, consulting on municipal water treatment facilities and industrial pump casings before retiring to coastal Maine.
He brings neither malice nor condescension to the kitchen sink. Only the quiet certainty of someone who understands laminar flow. He lives with his wife, Martha, who still loads the cereal bowls upright whenever she is in a hurry.
“Water is an unyielding master of physics. It does not navigate a nested soup spoon simply because you wished it clean.”Read the dossier →
Available formats
Editions
Four straightforward formats. No digital bundle upsells or commemorative tote bags.
02Primary release
Amazon Hardcover
$29.99
The physical book. 244 pages. 6.24 x 0.74 x 9.24 inches.
Buy on Amazon03
Amazon Paperback
$22.99
Flexible trade paperback for immediate kitchen reference and dog-earing.
Buy on Amazon04Coming soon
Kindle Edition
Coming soon
Reflowable e-book format with high-resolution vector diagrams for mobile reading.
Pre-order laterQuiet occasions
“For weddings, housewarmings, and anyone who needs a definitive answer.”
Gift the book →From readers
Verified on Amazon
Hardcover purchases, reviewed in Ireland. Their words.
Hardcover · Ireland
Finally peace in our household!
I bought this book for my husband as a joke. I thought it would be a funny gag gift - you know, one of those novelty books that's maybe 20 pages of silly jokes about loading dishes.
I was wrong.
This is a 200-page technical manual on all things dishwasher. The author has written an entire book about loading a dishwasher with the seriousness of someone writing a NASA operations manual. There are protocols, procedures, diagrams, and extensive analysis of water flow dynamics. It's completely absurd and absolutely brilliant.
We got a huge laugh out of it, and now it's on display in our laundry room. Every single person who comes over notices it and asks about it. Without fail, they pick it up, start reading, and then burst out laughing. It's become a conversation starter and never fails to get a reaction.
Bottom line: If you're looking for a gag gift that's actually well-made and genuinely entertaining, this is it. It's the perfect coffee table (or laundry room) book that will make everyone laugh.
sarah, November 28, 2025
Hardcover · Ireland
Wish me luck
I bought this for my girlfriend as a stocking filler. The book is brilliant, complete with diagrams!
Well worth the night on the couch it's going to cost me!
Conor, December 21, 2025
From the author
Notes from Ron
Further remarks on loading, gifting, and the book. When there is something worth saying.
Inquiries
Write to Ron
For independent bookseller bulk orders, press notes, or gentle disputes.